Sukkot Tidings

Don’t have enough space to have a sukkah, or are too lazy to build one, or you don’t want to have meals in the freezing cold at 9 p.m.? Fret not, you can find holy replacements at no cost. These suggestions are a thrift seekers dream.

1. Slide your feet into a pair of clogs. You’ll be touching wood, so you’re inside a sukkah.
2. Make a fort out of pillows and blankets.
3. Dust off your Barbie Dreamhouse.
4. Build a sukkah out of popsicle sticks. Be careful with the hot glue gun.
5. Throw out all your clothes and live inside your closet.

Now, if you do have a sukkah and you’re struggling to come up with objects to hang or what to fill the night up with, we have a few ideas.

1. Plaster on the wall and play pin the tail on the donkey. Winner gets to ride them into the sunset, though please ask for consent.
2. Hang garlic to keep out the vampires in your family and make sure they never come again.
3. Small-talk topics: Taylor Swift’s Eras Tour, divorce rates, dating sucks, everyone is horrible, and the climate is changing but we’re not.
4. A knife to carve you and your lover’s name into the wall.
5. A child’s drawing.

‍