Don’t have enough space to have a sukkah, or are too lazy to build one, or you don’t want to have meals in the freezing cold at 9 p.m.? Fret not, you can find holy replacements at no cost. These suggestions are a thrift seekers dream.
- Slide your feet into a pair of clogs. You’ll be touching wood, so you’re inside a sukkah.
- Make a fort out of pillows and blankets.
- Dust off your Barbie Dreamhouse.
- Build a sukkah out of popsicle sticks. Be careful with the hot glue gun.
- Throw out all your clothes and live inside your closet.
Now, if you do have a sukkah and you’re struggling to come up with objects to hang or what to fill the night up with, we have a few ideas.
- Plaster on the wall and play pin the tail on the donkey. Winner gets to ride them into the sunset, though please ask for consent.
- Hang garlic to keep out the vampires in your family and make sure they never come again.
- Small-talk topics: Taylor Swift’s Eras Tour, divorce rates, dating sucks, everyone is horrible, and the climate is changing but we’re not.
- A knife to carve you and your lover’s name into the wall.
- A child’s drawing.
The Sukkot Curmudgeon hates clogs.