I remember

I remember 

By Sofie Kreidstein 


I remember seeds 

yet to sprout 

just waiting 


waiting for a rainy day 


their blossoming 

cut short 

left to fertilize 

the ground on which they lay 


tripping over gnarled roots 

ancestral scars 

entangled by adaptation and survival 


I ask my bubbie what memory remains 

beyond our blood and their bones 

that lie beneath pebble covered graves 


she responds: 

why would I think about the old world 

when there’s so much shit to deal with in the new we laughed 

she cried 

then silence 

I remember fragments 

of their twisted mother tongues 

sung softly 

to the tune of klezmer lullabies 


I remember 

I hold 

I live 

in spite of all the pain 

that came before me 

that remains 

and is to come 

that ancient wound 

infinitely deep and ever healing

picked open again and again 


I remember 

in all of its guilt 


carried on that peculiar wind 

that came with their shadows  

in the woods 


I remember their faces 

as I watch myself age in the mirror 


and their voices through kindred

subtleties the shape of my lips 

intonations I mirrored 

in the echoes I hear 

moments before I sleep 


I remember their bodies when I lose my own

and remember their touch when I return 


I remember 

not in facts but in my body 

in my unconscious knowing 

and unspoken feeling 

in the dance of my DNA 

a ladder I wrestle my angels upon 


I remember but sometimes I need to be reminded

I remember in the mere fact that I exist I

remember what makes that a miracle I remember

even at times when I yearn to forget 


I remember 

when I can 

all the joy of remembering 

I remember until I become memories 


I remember 

איך געדענק 

I remember

Header illustration by Sofie Kreidstein. 

+ posts

Sofie Kreidstein (they/them) is a white settler, Ashkenazi Jewish, Queer, and Mad artist. They are currently based in Kjipuktuk (Halifax, NS) and are from Tkaronto (Toronto, ON). They have an interdisciplinary practice, which is primarily focused on performance art, poetry, sculpture, and media.

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