
I remember
By Sofie Kreidstein
I remember seeds
yet to sprout
just waiting
waiting
waiting for a rainy day
their blossoming
cut short
left to fertilize
the ground on which they lay
tripping over gnarled roots
ancestral scars
entangled by adaptation and survival
I ask my bubbie what memory remains
beyond our blood and their bones
that lie beneath pebble covered graves
she responds:
why would I think about the old world
when there’s so much shit to deal with in the new we laughed
she cried
then silence
I remember fragments
of their twisted mother tongues
sung softly
to the tune of klezmer lullabies
I remember
I hold
I live
in spite of all the pain
that came before me
that remains
and is to come
that ancient wound
infinitely deep and ever healing
picked open again and again
I remember
in all of its guilt
carried on that peculiar wind
that came with their shadows
in the woods
I remember their faces
as I watch myself age in the mirror
and their voices through kindred
subtleties the shape of my lips
intonations I mirrored
in the echoes I hear
moments before I sleep
I remember their bodies when I lose my own
and remember their touch when I return
I remember
not in facts but in my body
in my unconscious knowing
and unspoken feeling
in the dance of my DNA
a ladder I wrestle my angels upon
I remember but sometimes I need to be reminded
I remember in the mere fact that I exist I
remember what makes that a miracle I remember
even at times when I yearn to forget
I remember
when I can
all the joy of remembering
I remember until I become memories
I remember
איך געדענק
I remember
Header illustration by Sofie Kreidstein.

Sofie Kreidstein (they/them) is a white settler, Ashkenazi Jewish, Queer, and Mad artist. They are currently based in Kjipuktuk (Halifax, NS) and are from Tkaronto (Toronto, ON). They have an interdisciplinary practice, which is primarily focused on performance art, poetry, sculpture, and media.