Struggling with your leftover Rosh Hashanah apples? We have curated a list of 10 ways to repurpose them. Make sure to print off this sheet and keep it with you forever. These tips are sure to be a yearly tradition!
- You might think apple pie is the obvious choice, but let me tell you, nothing beats an apple in a pig’s mouth (not a real pig of course, just that dweeb who tried to pick you up with the line “hey”).
- Jews are the ultimate kings and queens of pickles. Pickles are synonymous with being Jewish. So, obviously, you must pickle some apples.
- The Russians made vodka from potatoes. That’s a miracle! The Greeks made wine from grapes. Another miracle! The Jews made charoset from leftover Rosh Hashanah apples. Save the apples for Passover. It’s an ancient tip.
- A tip for your enemies: tell them to make a homemade, environmentally friendly cleaning and sanitization product that we swear by, and it only has one ingredient, apple. And say, Don’t worry, fruit flies hate the stuff!
- Give a teacher an apple. You know they need it after the year they’ve had.
- Hand out apples on Halloween instead of candy. You won’t have to waste time dressing up as a witch.
- Make your own shampoo: ¼ cup liquid apple, 1 egg (half of the yolk, half of the white), ½ cup of vinegar. Mix it all together, then refrigerate until ready to use. Follow as directed: use a lot. Lather for the length of ABBA’s Supertrooper. Sing at the same time. Leave in until you run out of hot water. If it gets into your eyes, take the opportunity to have a good cry. And then rinse.
- Take the apples with you when you go to shul during Yom Kippur. Make a cute old lady fall in love with you by offering her one so she’ll set you up with a not really so nice Jewish person.
- Teleport to Eve and give her an apple she’ll be able to eat. Oh, and give her a hug.
- Just let them rot, we’re not your mother.
Header design by Orly Zebak and Clarrie Feinstein.
Mrs. Honeycrisp and Mrs. Winesap have written several self-help books and guides for how to live a more fruitful life. They have appeared on multiple TV and radio shows. Most notably, they just published their first work of fiction, The Day the Cider Ran Out.